Faith & Family, Sexual Integrity

What to Tell Your Son About Porn

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“They grow up so fast,” parents often lament. Today, children are being sexualized earlier and earlier, in part because they are exposed to sexual material in movies, television, music and other media earlier than ever. With widespread access to the Internet, it’s virtually inescapable.  Curious teens may accidentally or intentionally be exposed to millions of pages of material that is uncensored, sexually explicit, often inaccurate and potentially harmful.  Today, teens are being bombarded with sexualized messages daily at school, through media, and messaging, and the statistics are sobering: According to recent studies, more than 90 percent of teenagers have been exposed to pornography!

For parents, few issues are as awkward to address as sex:

When pornography enters the discussion, it becomes even more uncomfortable. Yet our biblical job description of parent calls us to encourage, train, direct, counsel, warn, and explain. The letter below will provide you and your spouse with an invaluable tool you can use to communicate the dangers of pornography to your son.  I encourage you to pray over this letter, asking God to give you the wisdom to know when and how to share it with your son.

As a mother of three boys, I wish I would have had tools such as the letter below to guide my husband and I through such difficult conversations with our sons.  If you are a parent, let this letter be a starting point and guide.

More than 90 percent of teenagers have been exposed to pornography.

Dear Son,

You are living in one of the most exciting times in history where technology is exploding with possibilities. What was unthinkable just a few years ago is now possible primarily because of the Internet. With social media part of your everyday life, a big world became much smaller. Who knows what is coming in the next few years. You cant even imagine living in a world without iPods, iPads, iPhones, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, and texting. Im happy youre alive at a time when knowledge is literally at your fingertips.

But with these tech advances comes a danger as real as anything ever created. Lurking behind every online portal, television show, and cell phone is something inviting you to click the mouse, change the channel, or use your phone to access an image, a picture, or a scene.

That danger is pornography. Once you open the door to pornography, it does its damage. It leaves memories you dont want to have. Porn encourages thoughts that should not be acted upon and that do not please God. Simply put, there is nothing good that comes from viewing pornographynothing

Pornography lies to you! It lies and says:

women exist to bring pleasure to men;

women don’t have emotions and needs;

you don’t have to wait until you’re married to have sex;

you never have any consequences from acting on what you see in pornography;

lusting after someone is normal;

sex is only a physical act;

sex is the number-one need in your life;

pornography is normal; oral sex is not sex;

you can’t wait to have sex until you are married.

Lies enslave you. But Gods truth allows you to live in wonderful freedom and joy instead of bondage. Gods Word is always true.

My prayer is that if you have seen pornography, you will choose with Gods help to never look at it again. I know pressure comes from both inside you and from forces outside you. The world, without God, has made it very easy to see pornography. Only with Gods power will you get victory. You will have to fight hard spiritually to claim Psalm 101:3, I will refuse to look at anything vile and vulgar. The Message (a paraphrase of the Bible) puts it this way: I refuse to take a second look at corrupting people and degrading things.

Recently a study was conducted on brain activity and specifically ones thoughts. It was established that the time between when a thought hits your mind and when you act on it is a quarter of a second! Thats certainly not very much time, but it is enough if you allow God to be in control. You will have moments of temptation, even temptation to look at pornography; however, you can train your mind to confess your sinful thought and replace it with Gods truth from the Bible. In doing so, you can choose to look away from pornography.

As your parent, I wont always be there to warn you or to encourage you. But God is very real, and he has promised to give you the power to say yes to what is right and no to what is wrong. If someone came to you and told you that a bottle of poison was really Skittles, would it still poison you? Yes! If someone told you that fire didnt burn, would it still burn you if you touched it? Of course it would! Pornography is a poison that will destroy everything good. It is a fire that will burn you and leave scars. It is a minefield that will destroy Gods good plans for you.

Son, if you have viewed pornography, there is no way to undo what you have seen. That image is permanently etched on your memory. So what do you do? First, its what you don’t dointentionally look at pornography again. Second, you confess your sinful thoughts. Third, replace those thoughts with biblical truth. Thats why its important to read the Bible daily and get Gods perspective.

God has the most wonderful plan for you when it comes to sex. God is telling you the truth; Satan and those who leave God out of their lives are lying to you.

Son, I want Gods very best for you, and the best he has for you does not include pornography. I am asking you to make a commitment right now to God and to me that from this day forward, you will be committed to living a porn-free life. If you do, you will experience a freedom and happiness you could not believe.

Son, I love you and want you to know I am always here for you. Although discussing sexual issues can be awkward, I want you to know I am available to talk with you, listen to you, and pray with you. I commit for as long as I live to pray daily for youthat you will always choose to follow Gods way. Pornography is never Gods way.

We love you,Your Dad/Your Mom

Copyright © 2016 Jay Dennis

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