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Be gracious to me, O Lord; consider my trouble from those who hate me, O You who lifts me up from the gates of death,that I may recount all Your praise in the gates of the daughter of Zion, that I may rejoice in Your salvation.
~Psalm 9:13-14~ MEV
Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I’m about; See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong—then guide me on the road to eternal life.
~Psalm 139:23-24~ MSG
For so long Lord, I have known just how powerful, loving, and merciful You are, yet I have felt abandoned and alone. I have been so afraid to trust in You, even though I desperately want to. I need Someone I can trust. But trust does not come easily for me. I want so desperately to believe that You really do see me; that You care, and really do love me, and that You have not forsaken me and my family.
I don’t want to doubt You anymore Father. I want to believe that You are still working all things out for my good, and for Your glory. I want to believe that miracles can happen in my life too. I want to believe that as ugly as my life’s story has been up to this day, that I can still have a happy ending.
I don’t want to be angry anymore Father. I don’t want to be angry at You Father or confused because of all of the pain and suffering that I have endured throughout this life.
I want more than anything to know that it has not all been in vain, that I and my precious family have walked, crawled, and even dragged each other through the flames of Hell. I want to believe that somehow, someway, You will still be honored and glorified in this, Lord. I want to believe that there is a true purpose and meaning behind this life of pain and suffering. I want to believe that redemption is coming on swift wings for me and my family.
I want so desperately Father, for my life and my family to be a beautiful testimony of Your unfailing love, forgiveness, tender mercies, and abundant grace.
In Jesus Holy name, I ask these things,