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I cannot really say that I had a good role model for what a “good wife” should look like. My mother never married.
There were my grandparents of course. And they seemed to have a pretty good marriage. So of course, in my naivety, I figured being a “good wife” meant keeping a spotless home, having dinner on the table when my husband got home from a hard day’s work. And be ready for sex whenever he wanted it.
And of course, having my sexuality dictated to me by multiple abusers as a child, I learned that the act of sex was not meant for my pleasure and that it was something that was just done to me. So in my skewed thinking, I figured that whatever my husband wanted in bed is exactly what he got. OR, I would just lay there completely frozen, trapped in flashbacks, not knowing that participating in the act of lovemaking was actually permissible. This of course only caused deep pain and hurt for us both.
Boundaries were a foreign concept to me. In many ways, my number one biggest mistake in marriage was idolizing my husband. I was always putting his sexual desires (no matter how sinful) above God and His Word. I was always trying to be whatever I felt that he wanted to be. I was guilty of not being my true and authentic self. This of course only caused even more deep pain and hurt for us both.
My second biggest mistake in my marriage was always putting the kids’ needs and wants above my husband. If only I had known then, what I know now, my husband always would have come first; second only to God.
My third biggest mistake in my marriage was dishonoring my husband by not taking care to guard my heart and remain mentally stable during difficult and lonely times within our marriage, thus allowing myself to succumb to sin.
Though I have made far more mistakes in my marriage than just the three listed above, I am eternally grateful and blessed by what nearly twenty-five years of marriage have taught me.
In twenty-five years, have learned to love fiercely and without conditions. I have learned patience and forgiveness. I have learned tenderness and mercy. But above all, I have learned that no other person on Earth will stand beside me and have my back no matter how many times I fall flat on my face and mess up than my husband.
This is what twenty-five years of marriage