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There has never been a better time to put an end to the heartache of an unfulfilling relationship. You can rebuild happiness and close connection, thanks to the life-changing techniques from
Marriage, like life, is a cycle of ups and downs. It’s easy to
say your marriage is in good health when the world around you
is prospering, but when your fortunes turn and your world is
in hardship, how you interact within your marriage can often
paint an altogether different picture.
How we feel about those we love can have a huge impact on the
health of the relationship, much like a relationship with a
friend. We love our friends, but the real test of a friendship
or relationship is when, in times of crisis, we feel let down
or disappointed in our loved ones or the outcome achieved.
In many cases, the disappointment you feel is in your
perspective of the situation. You set standards of behavior
for yourself and set the same high standards for those around
you, and are disappointed when they let you down. In taking
some meaning from the hurt you feel at being disappointed, a
colleague shared the following insight:
“You feel disappointment so keenly because you love people
So is it the same when we feel disappointed or let down by
our partners? Do we feel disappointment or hurt so keenly
because we put our partners up on such a pedestal and expect
them to always get it right?
This was perhaps a little more complicated than I had first
anticipated, and it made me wonder whether the fault was on
them for not living up to our expectations or standards, or
whether our standards were in fact what was at fault. Is it
fair to expect the same level of respect and love that you
offer so freely to those that you love?
I tell myself that I must lower my expectations of others and
that I will do so in what they expect of me, but the reality
is that I seem unable to do so. I think the world of
my friends. If I love someone I feel compelled to share this
thought with them so that they might know that they are
valued, and I constantly live in hope that the same feelings
are felt in return.
But in taking a closer look, we realize that this is part of
what love is about. Sharing our feelings of connection with
others, and letting them know that what they do is valued
. We feel a sense of togetherness when we are able to
share our feelings with others. Love is also what keeps us
coming back for more, keeps us trying to do things better, and helps us to keep trying even when we feel let
So how do we let go of the hurt?
Some would say that unconditional love is giving love
without the expectation of reciprocation. But it doesn’t
make it any easier. Part of loving those around you is
knowing that they share the same values as you, and that
they will be there to support you when you need it. Knowing
that quitting isn’t an option, and that the benefit of
hanging in there is going to deliver benefits to both of
you is what keeps many people going.
Telling your partner about your feelings and expectations
is a hard thing to do, and exposes you to a certain amount
of vulnerability. There is also the fear that your comments
can be taken the wrong way, or that they can be used against
you or interpreted as a criticism.
It’s not about criticism. It’s about helping your partner
see why you feel the way you do. It’s about helping
communicate a part of what makes you tick. It may not be
perfect, and it feels scary, but that is one of the most
valuable parts of this exercise. In talking to a partner
about your feelings and what leads you to feel these
feelings is a valuable part of intimacy.
It’s about getting to know each other better.
And realising that loving someone is about loving them even when they let you down.
For more tips about unconditional love and developing
a greater understanding of what it truly takes to create
and foster a healthy and loving marriage, check out:
Save My Marriage Today