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Don’t settle for a less than perfect marriage. You can lead the
way back to love by applying the marriage-saving advice in:
Hollywood has shortchanged us. So have fairy tales, romance novels
and the media in general.
Since childhood, we’ve been fed with a steady diet of romantic
fantasy – Boy meets girl, they fall in love, boy and girl ride off
into the sunset and live happily ever after.
It’s the classic romantic archetype and deep inside, we actually
have been conditioned to believe it. We go through life and
relationships assuming that if only we just fall in love,
everything will be fine, happy, perfect and passionate all the
We will always wake up ready and willing to make love, with fresh
breath, shining hair and unlimited libido. In short, we will be in
a constant honeymoon state…
It’s good for a while because such ideas give us a sense of hope
and beauty with which to live by in a challenging world. That’s
fine – for as long as we realize that reality does not always hand
everything to us on a silver platter.
Life is a journey of ups and downs, and not exempted from this
truth as our relationships.
Hollywood gives us further clues that the honeymoon stage is bound
not to last, nor should it. Living amidst intense scrutiny, we see
passionate Hollywood couplings burn out even before the ink is dry
on the marriage certificate.
And with this burnout, comes divorce. “Irreconcilable differences”
is a favorite catchphrase.
If only these couples realize that the “After the Honeymoon” stage
is part of the normal course of any relationship, perhaps they
could have saved a lot of heartache.
If only we all understand that relationships, like anything in
life, have their own progression and phases then we can better
equip ourselves to go through and even enjoy these stages as part
of our maturing as individuals and as persons-in-relationship.
When you find that your relationship is precisely at this stage:
i.e. the initial thrill, the daily love-making marathons, the
constant craving has gone – what do you do?
The first thing is actually to understand. Just because the heady
feeling has faded does not mean that the relationship is no longer
The commitment partners made, the relationship built – these are
bigger than the thrills and understanding this makes for an even
deeper and more committed love between two people.
In fact, rather than berate your partner for having let your
relationship deteriorate to this state, you should in fact
You have reached a stage of your relationship where the opportunity
to develop, strengthen and cement it further opens up new vistas of
At this stage, the rose-colored glasses fall off and you will see
your partner for who he or she is, flaws, attributes and all.
At this stage, the opportunity is presented for you to go beyond
expectations of perfection in your partner to actually appreciating
all the traits that make your partner who he or she is.
As you appreciate your partner, you would find it fair to be
appreciated yourself – flaws and all. After all, keeping up the
thrill of the honeymoon can turn artificial and exhausting under
It assumes that you are expected to be perky and accommodating all
the time which we’re sure is not really who you are on a daily
basis. You too have your ups and downs, you too are on a life
journey and the sooner you and your partner adjust to these life
rhythms, the better.
While this article may extol the positives of facing reality, we
are very much aware that this stage is also the stage of conflict.
As you and your partner work out your relationship and adjust to
each other, conflict is to be expected. There’s no other way around
Continuous communication and quality time together propel this
along. At this stage, both of you are given the chance to develop
deeper, more honest and more open communication with each other.
Both speaking in words and deeds, as well as listening, are
highlighted here. At this stage, both of you can learn the language
of love as well as conflict in your relationship.
These are the tools that will prove you in good stead for the rest
of your lives together. With these, you develop the attitudes that
will build the love, trust, and intimacy to last a lifetime.
Passing through this stage, you may be surprised to discover that
instead of diminishing the love and attraction you have for each
other, your sexual attraction actually grows.
As you connect deeper with your partner, you become more
comfortable in your own skins and even in communicating your sexual
needs and desires. You learn to trust each other more emotionally
Imagine that! You even end up with a much better version of the
Whether you’re about to embark on a new, fresh relationship or are
already struggling “after the honeymoon”, don’t worry too much.
Open up your mind and heart and know that even when the honeymoon
is over, the rest of your lives begin.
Your new, more connected and loving marriage starts today with
Save My Marriage Today: