Prayers & Devotionals

A Woman After God’s Own Heart

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How long wilt thou forget me, O Lord? forever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me?  How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? how long shall mine enemy be exalted over me?  Consider and hear me, O Lord my God: lighten mine eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death;  Lest mine enemy say, I have prevailed against him ; and those that trouble me rejoice when I am moved.  But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation. I will sing unto the Lord, because he hath dealt bountifully with me.

~Psalm 13~

Oh Lord, how I do love King David and his beautiful book of Psalms.  I have always gravitated towards this precious book of Psalms when my weary soul is troubled and downcast.

I can see so much of myself in King David, whom You called a man after Your own heart.  Is it possible Lord, that You could see me as a woman after Your own heart too?

King David and I are so much alike and in so many ways!

And even though King David has been dead and gone from this Earth for thousands of years, I feel as if he understands me — and my aching soul.  And I know Lord, that is because You understand me – and my aching soul.

King David understood the heavy weight of depression.  I can see that clearly all throughout the beautiful book of Psalms.  It often feels as if he knows me and how I have struggled with depression my entire life.

King David also knew well the unbearable weight of oppression.  This too, I can see so clearly throughout the entire book of Psalms.  I too, Lord, have felt the crushing weight of oppression my entire life.  The Enemy of my soul has sent his evil minions if the form of many evil men to harm me.  And though as a child, and even often times as a grown woman, I could not see You working all of these terrible things that have happened to me out for my good, (just as You did for King David), I am finally beginning to see Your beautiful plan for me unfold.

King David was an adulterer.  I too, Lord, have committed the terrible sin of adultery.  I have carried the weight and shame.  I have felt the burning pain of my scarlet letter deep within my soul.  Though the flames of Hell consumed me, I did not burn.  You redeemed me, Lord.  You rescued my soul.

Is it, possible Lord, that You could see me as a woman after Your own heart too?” ~Clara J Chauteco

King David wasn’t exactly father-of-the-year.   In fact, in all his wisdom and power, King David struggled immensely with his role as a parent.  Perhaps, in those days, all those thousands of years ago, if parenting classes existed as they do now, King David just might have been the class clown.  But who am I to say such things, Lord?  I would be sitting right beside him in that class, or perhaps I would be the one sitting in the corner crowned with the “Dunce cap”.  Even though my precious children are my heart and soul — the very blood that runs through my veins – the beating of my heart – I have not been a very good mother to my beloved sons.  Though I did try to be the very best mother to my boys that I could be, I just wasn’t equipped with the tools and wisdom that I needed to be the mother that my boys needed me to be. I have failed them, Lord.  I have wounded my precious boys in so many unthinkable ways.  And the pain that I have caused my beloved sons burns deep within my soul.  But You God, are loving and merciful.  You are faithful.  And I trust that You are healing those wounds.  I trust that forgiveness and redemption are near.

King David was a murderer.  Though I have taken no man’s life, Lord, I too, am guilty of murder.  I am guilty of murdering those I love with my words and actions.  I have allowed anger and bitterness consume me.  My tongue is sharper than any two-edged sword.  My words are as venomous poison; killing their hearts and souls.  I have said and done terrible things, Lord, to my beloved family.  The pain that I have caused them burns deep within my soul.  The flames of Hell consume me, yet I do not burn.  For You, Lord, You are loving and merciful.  You are faithful.  And I trust that forgiveness and redemption are near.

So, Lord, do You think that if King David could mess up so badly and do all of these terrible things, and still be called a man after Your own heart; is it at all possible Lord, that a wretched sinner like me – guilty of the same sins, could ever be called a woman after Your own heart?

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