Have you ever felt lost, confused, alone, and unsure of who you are?
It was New Year 2017 when I resolved to set out on a very difficult journey — a journey to discover my true and authentic self. A journey that led me to finally find purpose in my life-long pain and suffering, and to give that pain and suffering a voice.
Never did I imagine that I would have to walk, and often crawl on my belly through the flames of Hell, to find God’s mercy and grace — to find peace, healing, and forgiveness — and to blossom into the beautiful and delicate flower He has called me to be.
God? Where have You been in the midst of my suffering and sorrow?
Have You not seen what they have done to me? Can You not see my bleeding heart?
These were the cries of my heart after a series of traumatic events unleashed a flood of flashbacks from childhood traumas that sent me into a downward spiral of depression and drinking. I was alone and feeling unloved, and abandoned — even by God.
Did God abandon me too?
This is how I felt. Deep down into the depths of my soul, all the way down into the very core of my being. I had truly felt abandoned and unloved — even by God.
But oh how wrong I was!
In my despair, I had been blinded and deceived by the Enemy of my soul. The Enemy loves to attack us and fill our minds with lies when we are at our lowest. (“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;” John 10:10a) His only desire is to sit back and laugh as he drags us down even deeper into the pit. The Enemy would have us believe that we cannot be redeemed, nor our loved ones, and our broken relationships with them.
God NEVER leaves us or forsakes us.
God NEVER left me. (And He hasn’t left you either.)
He has faithfully and mercifully met me once again in my darkest hour — when I was broken and at my weakest. He has raised me up and has begun yet another new work in me. (He will for you too!)
And so this journey continues… A journey to healing the past — learning to live in the moment — looking forward to brighter tomorrows…
This is a journey of redemption.